Missing You
by tabbyforever
Summary: Gibbs grieves for Kate. Post Twilight sad story.


Missing You

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Donald P Bellisario and Don McGill, the song belongs to Jem. I own nothing but an overactive imagination.

_I wish this could be_

_A happy song_

_But my happiness disappeared_

_The moment you were gone_

_Don't think I ever believed that_

_This day would come_

_Now all I'm feeling_

_Is lost and numb_

This wasn't supposed to happen, things weren't meant to go down that way, she wasn't meant to be in any danger it was him who had been threatened not her. She was supposed to be here laughing, joking with DiNozzo about the bullet she'd taken in the vest for him. Turning to look at her now vacant desk he saw Kate standing there, but it couldn't be her, she was down in Ducky's care now, the angry red welt in the center of her forehead gave away that what he was seeing was a part of his overactive mind.

"_Why me, Gibbs?"_ She asked confused.

"_Wasn't stopping one bullet enough for you... Why did I have to take two?"_ He knew she wasn't really there, that this was his brain trying to deal with everything that had happened on that rooftop but that didn't seem to help.

"_I - I don't know."_ It was the one question he couldn't answer right now, he was wrestling with images of her mad at him for her death, and she was right to be mad at him, it was his fault she was there in the first place. Now he was left numb by the whole situation, lost to it, this wasn't supposed to happen, she was meant to be here.

_I'll always be thankful_

_For the time we had_

_We were blessed_

_I should celebrate_

_But I feel too sad_

_All the wonderful memories_

_Just make me fall apart_

_And it feels like somebody's_

_Stabbed me in my heart_

He tried to think back to better times, to cases solved, families put to rest and questions answered, however for some reason he kept coming back to their time on the Philadelphia and more specifically the moment during the emergency blow when she had been forced up against him as the sub had rapidly surfaced. It was at that point he remembered falling head over heels for her, something he'd been fighting since meeting her on Air Force One. Even then he knew he'd never do or say anything about it with the proof coming a week later during their case at Gitmo.

"_Romance between agents, Kate, it never works."_

"_You speaking from experience?"_ She replied reading what she thought was regret in his face.

He couldn't do this, it was hurting too much, all the looks, sparse touches, times spent on cases, those memories weren't enough to stop his world from falling apart around him.

_Walking, holding hands_

_Talking, making plans_

_Touching my heart my soul_

Gibbs fell into a restless sleep as exhaustion washed him, his dreams ebbing and flowing like the tides. He wished his sleep were dreamless, but all he could see was her; she was haunting his sleep with what could have been if only he'd taken a chance with her, if only she hadn't been taken from him. Dreams of a house with a white picket fence, of a beautiful little brown haired brown eyed girl playing with her dog as her mother watched on. Oh how he wished he could turn back time and have one more day, one more chance.

_I wish this could be_

_A happy song_

_But my happiness disappeared_

_The moment you were gone_

_Tell me it's not happening_

_Say it's not as it seems_

_Tell me that I'm gonna wake up_

_It's just a bad dream_

_Please tell me that it's fiction_

_Tell me it's just a lie_

_Whatever you choose to tell me_

_Please say you didn't die_

"Katie why, why you, why now." He broke down; heavy sobs wracked his body as he tried to wrestle his mind into understanding what had happened.

"Oh God please tell me this isn't as it seems, let me wake up from this nightmare." Gibbs was praying to a God he was no longer sure existed, for surely no fair and just God would punish him the way he had been; for this to have happened with Shannon and Kelly 19 years previously was devastating but for him to go on and loose another woman he loved, all be it from afar was totally soul destroying. It had to be unreal, just a work of bad fiction, one of Tony's movies turned bad.

"Please Kate tell me you didn't die, let it not be true, it can't be happening again." He was pleading now for something he knew could never happen, as he stood out in the raging storms, the pounding rain now mixing with his tears.

_And I, yes I, miss you_

_And it's killing inside_

_Ooh well I, yes I, miss you_

_Want you by my side_

_Ooh well I, miss you_

_Want you by my side_

_Back here by my side_

_Here by my side_

He knew his grief would subside, knew that he would be able to think of her without heartache and tears someday but that would not happen overnight. He also knew deep down in his heart that he would not rest until her murder was avenged and he knew that avenging her would be a big step in his grieving process, his healing process. Gibbs wanted to help his grief-stricken team, he wasn't the only one to have lost her, she was Tony's sister, Abby's best friend, McGee's heroine, and Ducky's daughter, and now more then ever were they in need of a strong leader to help them through their own personal heartache. But he couldn't be strong for them yet; he was hurting too much for that. He just wanted her back, back by his side.


End file.
